Love and what true love is all about

Love

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Love encompasses a variety of different emotional and mental states, typically strongly and positively experienced, ranging from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection and to the simplest pleasure. 

Greek god: Eros

Greek goddess: Aphrodite

Roman god: Cupid

Roman godess: Venus

People also ask?

Everyone seems to be hankering after romantic love, but few of us realize that far from being timeless and universal, romantic love is in fact a modern construct, one that emerged in tandem with the novel. In Madame Bovary (1856), itself a novel, Gustave Flaubert tells us that Emma Bovary only found out about romantic love through ‘the refuse of old lending libraries’. These books, he wrote:

But there are many other ways to love, not all of which are consistent or consonant with romantic love. By preoccupying ourselves with romantic love, we risk neglecting other types of love that are more readily accessible and that may, especially in the longer term, prove more healing and fulfilling.

The seven types of love discussed below are loosely based on classical readings, especially of Plato and Aristotle, and on J.A. Lee’s 1973 book Colours of Love .

1. Eros

Eros is sexual or passionate love, and is the type most akin to our modern construct of romantic love. In Greek myth, it is a form of madness brought about by one of Cupid’s arrows. The arrow breaches us and we ‘fall’ in love, as did Paris with Helen, leading to the Trojan War and the downfall of Troy and much of the assembled Greek army. In modern times, eros has been amalgamated with the broader life force, something akin to Schopenhauer’s will, a fundamentally blind process of striving for survival and reproduction. Eros has also been contrasted with Logos, or Reason, and Cupid painted as a blindfolded child.

2. Philia

The hallmark of philia , or friendship, is shared goodwill. Aristotle believed that a person can bear goodwill to another for one of three reasons: that he is useful; that he is pleasant; and, above all, that he is good, that is, rational and virtuous. Friendships founded on goodness are associated not only with mutual benefit but also with companionship, dependability, and trust.

For Plato, the best kind of friendship is that which lovers have for each other. It is a philia born out of eros , and that in turn feeds back into eros to strengthen and develop it, transforming it from a lust for possession into a shared desire for a higher level of understanding of the self, the other, and the world. In short, philia transforms eros from a lust for possession into an impulse for

philosophy. Real friends seek together to live truer, fuller lives by relating to each other authentically and teaching each other about the limitations of their beliefs and the defects in their character, which are a far greater source of error than mere rational confusion: they are, in effect, each other’s therapist—and in that much it helps to find a friend with some degree of openness, articulacy, and insight, both to change and to be changed.

3. Storge

Storge (‘store-gae’), or familial love, is a kind of philia pertaining to the love between parents and their children. It differs from most philia in that it tends, especially with younger children, to be unilateral or asymmetrical. More broadly,

storge is the fondness born out of familiarity or dependency and, unlike eros or philia , does not hang on our personal qualities. People in the early stages of a

romantic relationship often expect unconditional storge , but find only the need and dependency of eros , and, if they are lucky, the maturity and fertility of

philia. Given enough time, eros tends to mutate into storge .

4. Agape

Agape is universal love, such as the love for strangers, nature, or God. Unlike

storge, it does not depend on filiation or familiarity. Also called charity by Christian thinkers, agape can be said to encompass the modern concept of altruism, defined as unselfish concern for the welfare of others. Recent studies link altruism with a number of benefits. In the short term, altruism leaves us with a euphoric feeling—the so-called ‘helper’s high’. In the longer term, it is associated with better mental and physical health, as well as longevity. At a social level, altruism serves as a signal of cooperative intentions, and also of resource availability and so of mating or partnering potential. It also opens up a debt account, encouraging beneficiaries to reciprocate with gifts and favours that may be of much greater value to us than those with which we feel able to part. More generally, altruism, or agape, helps to build and maintain the psychological, social, and, indeed, environmental fabric that shields, sustains, and enriches us. Given the increasing anger and division in our society, and the state of our planet, we could all do with quite a bit more

agape.

5. Ludus

Ludus is playful or uncommitted love. It can involve activities such as teasing and dancing, or more overt flirting, seducing, and conjugating. The focus is on fun, and sometimes also on conquest, with no strings attached. Ludus relationships are casual, undemanding, and uncomplicated but, for all that, can be very long-lasting.

Ludus works best when both parties are mature and self-sufficient. Problems arise when one party mistakes ludus for eros , whereas ludus is in fact much more compatible with philia.

6. Pragma

Pragma is a kind of practical love founded on reason or duty and one’s longer-term interests. Sexual attraction takes a back seat in favour of personal qualities and compatibilities, shared

goals, and making it work. In the days of arranged marriages, pragma must have been very common. Although unfashionable, it remains widespread, most visibly in certain high-profile celebrity and political pairings. Many relationships that start off as eros or

ludus end up as various combinations of

storge and pragma. Pragma may seem opposed to ludus , but the two can co-exist, with the one providing a counterpoint to the other. In the best of cases, the partners in the pragma relationship agree to turn a blind eye—or even a sympathetic eye, as in the case of Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre, or Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicholson.

7. Philautia

Philautia is self-love, which can be healthy or unhealthy. Unhealthy self-love is akin to hubris. In Ancient Greece, a person could be accused of hubris if he placed himself above the gods, or, like certain modern politicians, above the greater good. Many believed that hubris led to destruction, or nemesis. Today, hubris has come to mean an inflated sense of one’s status, abilities, or accomplishments, especially when accompanied by haughtiness or arrogance. As it disregards truth, hubris promotes injustice, conflict, and enmity.

Healthy self-love is akin to self-esteem, which is our cognitive and, above all, emotional appraisal of our own worth relative to that of others. More than that, it is the matrix through which we think, feel, and act, and reflects and determines our relation to ourselves, to others, and to the world.

Self-esteem and self- confidence do not always go hand in hand. In particular, it is possible to be highly self-confident and yet to have profoundly low self-esteem, as is the case with many performers and celebrities.

People with high self-esteem do not need to prop themselves up with externals such as income, status, or notoriety, or lean on crutches such as alcohol, drugs, or sex. They are able to invest themselves completely in projects and people because they do not fear failure or rejection. Of course they suffer hurt and disappointment, but their setbacks neither damage nor diminish them. Owing to their

resilience, they are open to growth experiences and relationships, tolerant of risk, quick to joy and delight, and accepting and forgiving of themselves and others.

In closing, there is, of course, a kind of porosity between the seven types of love, which keep on seeping and passing into one another. For Plato, love aims at beautiful and good things, because the possession of beautiful and good things is called happiness, and happiness is an end-in-itself. Of all beautiful and good things, the best, most beautiful, and most dependable is truth or wisdom, which is why Plato called love not a god but a philosopher:

He whom love touches not walks in darkness.

In order to understand true love, we need to understandlove. Love is defined as an intense feeling of affection for someone, which means that you view someone as awesome and desirable based on your beliefs, judgments, and experiences.

What Is True Love? And 11 Signs That You found it! 

What is true love all about?

 Everyone wants to know what true love is, and many people think they can feel it when it happens, but do they? Are they experiencing true love or are the experience infatuation, lust, or even wishful thinking? Moreover, is true love something that is actually possible, or is it all in our heads?

What Is Love?

In order to understand true love, we need to understand love. Love is defined as an intense feeling of affection for someone, which means that you view someone as awesome and desirable based on your beliefs, judgments, and experiences. Once you decide that someone is attractive to you mentally and physically, love also becomes a biological process. Your body takes over and reinforces what your mind already knows – that this person makes you feel amazing!

The physical reactions of love are a neurological condition where we feel bonded to something or someone else. When we feel attached to someone else, our brain releases chemicals such as serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. All of these chemicals cause us to think loving thoughts and feel the physical sensations that we associate with love. These hormones include:

– Serotonin: This hormone increases your mood; in fact, if you take drugs such as Ecstasy, you cause a huge rise in serotonin levels. You might as well just find someone to love instead – it’s healthier.

– Oxytocin: This has been referred to as the biological basis for love. This hormone is released during cuddling and sex and it helps to give you the feeling of attachment to someone else.

– Vasopressin: Along with oxytocin, experts believe that this hormone is responsible for feeling attached to someone.

– Dopamine: This hormone is responsible for desire and reward, which means you feel an immense amount of pleasure when you are rewarded with loving actions, such as kindness, touch, date night, or whatever makes you feel fulfilled and happy.

– Norepinephrine: This is released when you are falling in love and feel stress for things to work out and go well. It gives you the physical sensations you feel while falling in love, such as sweaty palms or a racing heart.

In other words, among many other things, hormones regulate our behavior in mating and falling in love. Does the fact that feelings of love are a hormonal process make love not as impactful as we think? No! The feeling of love is a powerful emotion that benefits us in a big way. It helps us maintain relationships, do good things for others, do good for things for ourselves, protect others, and feel a sense of belonging and safety in life. Without the emotion of love, we would feel lonely, scared, selfish, and abandoned.

What Is True Love?

Let’s leave the biology behind and say that true love is the state you are in when you feel connected, attached, and happy with someone. It is a place where you feel a permanent sense of connection with someone else, regardless of what happens.

In addition, the definition of true love goes far beyond what your body does and feels, or how you view someone in a relationship. True love can also be defined as you how you act in a relationship with someone.

True love is about meeting each other’s expectations and loving each other with trust, acceptance, and support. True love is about treating someone with the kind of respect that they deserve because you view them in a loving manner.

11 Signs That You Have Found True Love

True love is about the way you perceive someone. If you can step outside of your ego and see the value in someone else and the value in forming relationships with some give-and-take, then you can develop the mental attitude towards someone that results in a loving bond that can’t be broken. If you are not sure if you are experiencing true love or not, then following are 11 signs of true love to watch for.

1. Nothing Is Hidden

People who are experiencing true love don’t hide stuff from each other. They openly share their lives because they want to share their lives with that person. That is a part of being in a loving long-term relationship with someone. You don’t want to hide anything from them because you want them to share in your life – the good and the bad – and understand what you experience.

2. You Don’t Play Games

People who are living in a state of lust, a false sense of admiration for someone, or a total sense of selfishness, will play games. When you are thinking more about yourself and your needs and pleasure than someone else, you are not in a state of true love and you will do ridiculous things with a lack of seriousness and respect for the other person.

For instance, if someone feels like they want to keep someone in their lives, solely for the purpose of fulfilling a need they have, then they are going to play games in order to do that. Someone pretending to be pregnant or suicidal in order to keep someone are just two examples of games that are not a part of true love.

3. There Is Complete Respect

If you have found true love, then you will give and receive respect. You will respect them for who they are and what they do in the world, including with you. You will see the good in them. You will treat them as a human being and view them as your equal, not your superior or someone who is lower than you. And, they will treat you with the same level of respect.

4. You Care About Each Other’s Welfare

When you have found true love, you care about each other’s happiness and health. This means that you don’t try to hurt their happiness or health in any way.

For instance, you don’t abuse them, physically or mentally. You don’t put them down, stress them out, or make them feel bad about what they do. Instead, you support them and make them feel good about themselves and what they do. You encourage them to do things that make them feel happy and healthy. And you do things for their happiness and health without them always having to ask you to.

5. You Don’t Focus On Their Flaws

This is not what a lot of people believe it to be. I hear many people (many in my direct life) who say that their abusive relationship is what true love is all about because they are willing to look past their partner’s faults and accept them for who they are. They are willing to take the physical and mental abuse, but it shows their partner just how much they care. That’s not true love, that’s being a victim. Accepting someone’s flaws means accepting that they are not perfect. It doesn’t mean accepting that they treat you poorly.

A flaw is something that they have not perfected yet, such as a weakness in putting their laundry away or a lack of commitment to things that could really benefit their lives. It is not something that they do to you to make you feel bad or hurt you.

6. You Are Kind

When you feel true love with someone, you are considerate, generous, and friendly with them. You don’t try to hurt them; in fact, you don’t ever want to hurt them. You are concerned about them and show concern. You think about their needs. You are affectionate and patient towards them. You don’t speak harshly or use mean words towards them.

I find many people are kinder to strangers than to their loved ones. How you treat others compared to your partner is something to think about when you are considering whether you are feeling true love or just in a relationship with someone who you take out your frustrations on.

7. You Are Dedicated To Improving The Relationship

What is true love? It is a dedication to someone and your relationship with them. It is the willingness to do things and compromise for the betterment of the relationship. It is the willingness to put the relationship above other things and remain committed to making it happier, healthier, and more fulfilling. You do this because you recognize that the relationship is already making you a happier and better person, so staying dedicated to improving it is just a no-brainier.

This doesn’t mean that there won’t be issues in the relationship. Humans have emotions, and those emotions can interfere with a relationship’s happiness. But true love is the willingness to work through arguments. You don’t think about breaking up or moving on. Your desire is focused on making things better and working through the anger, hurt, or annoyance that is happening so you can get back to a happy relationship.

8. You Keep Your Promises

A promise to someone you truly love has a lot of weight. Promises are an extension of trust. When someone you love promises to do something and breaks it, then they are breaking your trust on some level. This is why someone who truly loves you will inform you of the times they can’t make their promises instead of just leaving you hanging in the dust, and vice-versa.

9. You See Things From Their Perspective

When the relationship is about you, then your perspective is all that you see. But, when you are in a relationship with someone you truly love, you value that person enough to see things from their perspective.

For instance, you can see their true intentions, instead of labeling what you think their intentions are. You can also see where they are coming from and why they need or want what they do in their life, instead of judging them for needing or wanting something different than you.

10. When They Are Happy, You Feel Good

When they smile, you feel happy. When they are experiencing joy, you feel joy too. When they are feeling loved, appreciated, or on top of their game, you feel good. Even if you are unhappy with yourself, you feel a sense of appreciation that they are feeling good. That’s what true love is really all about. You value them so much that you want them to be happy in life and free from suffering.

Moreover, you don’t feel envious when they are experiencing greatness in their life. For instance, you don’t get upset that they are making more money than you or having more luck than you. Their value doesn’t decrease or increase depending on how much success they are having – or how much success or failure you are experiencing.

11. You Are Willing To Stay During The Tough Times

Your partner gets sick, physically or mentally. They are struggling with a life crisis that has pushed them into a different state of being. They are struggling with finding themselves. All of these times can be tough, but if you are experiencing true love with someone, you will stay, support, and find ways to help them through their tough times.

This doesn’t mean that you take abuse from them. You may truly love them, but if they move into a place where they are not truly loving you, then you shouldn’t put up with that. However, if they are trying their best and treating you with the respect that you need, then you should be willing to stay with them through their through their tough time, even when everyone else turns their back to them.

Don’t Feel Like It’s True Love?

If you went through the signs above and don’t feel like you are experiencing true love, should you get out of the relationship? Not necessarily.

True love doesn’t always just happen. Because it is a mental state, where you recognize the value in someone and enjoy what they bring to your life, it takes awareness on your part. It takes stepping outside of the ego and moving into a state of compassion where you value other people and connections in a different way.

If the person you are with treats you well, and you love them, then don’t ditch them just because you are having problems or not experiencing a connection that blows your mind. True love is something to aspire to, not to automatically have. Work on building your relationship. Work on developing more trust, communication, respect, and compromise. And work towards a truly loving relationship with them.

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Can we define what love is?

It is time to change the meaning of the word “love.” The word is mostly used according to the firstdefinition given in the dictionary: “an intense feeling of deep affection.” In other words, love is what one feels. ... To love is to feel and act lovingly.

It is time to change the meaning of the word “love.”

The word is mostly used according to the first definition given in the dictionary: “an intense feeling of deep affection.” In other words, love is what one feels.

After years spent speaking with couples before, during and after marriage; and of talking to parents and children struggling with their relationships, I am convinced of the partiality of the definition. Love should be seen not as a feeling but as an enacted emotion. To love is to feel and act lovingly.

Too many women have told me, bruises visible on their faces, that the husbands who struck them love them. Since they see love as a feeling, the word hides the truth, which is that you do not love someone whom you repeatedly beat and abuse. You may have very strong feelings about them, you may even believe you cannot live without them, but you do not love them.

The first love mentioned in the Bible is not romantic love, but parental love (Genesis 22). When a child is born, the parent’s reaction to this person, who so recently did not exist, is to feel that “I would do anything for her.” In the doing is the love—the feeling is enacted. That is why we often hear the phrase “you don’t act like you love me.” We know in our bones that love is not a feeling alone, but a feeling that flows into the world in action.

Between human beings, love is a relational word. Yes, you can love things that do not love you back—the sky or a mountain or a painting or the game of chess. But the love of other people is directional. There is a lover and a beloved—you don’t just love, but you love at

someone. And real love is not only about the feelings of the lover; it is not egotism. It is when one person believes in another person and shows it.

In Fiddler on the Roof , when Tevye asks Golde whether she loves him after a quarter century of marriage, her wry answer is exactly on point:

For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes

Cooked your meals, cleaned the house

Given you children, milked your cow

She asks then, “If that’s not love, what is?”

Of course it is possible to perform all sorts of duties for someone and feel little or nothing for them. Love is not about being hired help. Love is not an obligation done with a cold soul. But neither is it a passion that expresses itself in cruelty, or one that does not express itself at all. The feeling must be wedded to the deed.

We would have a healthier conception of love if we understood that love, like parenting or friendship, is a feeling that expresses itself in action. What we really feel is reflected in what we do. The poet’s song is dazzling and the passion powerful, but the deepest beauty of love is how it changes lives.

Method 1 Loving a Partner

1. Distinguish between infatuation and love. ...
2. Choose to love your partner. ...
3. Be open and honest with each other. ...
4. Date your partner all over again. ...
5. Stay in love. ...
6. Love the whole person. ...
7. Do your part.

5 Ways to Love Somebody - 

How to Love Somebody

Loving people can be a challenge sometimes. Loving someone often requires you to put that person first and that's not always easy to do. Since loving a boyfriend or girlfriend is different from loving your brother or sister, you will also need to approach these situations differently. By following some simple strategies, you will be able to show people the love that they deserve.

How to Love Somebody Loving people can be a challenge sometimes. Loving someone often requires you to put that person first and that's not always easy to do. Since loving a boyfriend or girlfriend is different from loving your brother or sister, you will also need to approach these situations differently. By following some simple strategies, you will be able to show people the love that they deserve.

Method One of Five:

Loving a Partner

Distinguish between infatuation and love. Infatuation is when you feel euphoria, happiness, excitement and a lot more that can be tough to put into words. [1] During infatuation, you may see your relationship and your partner in an ideal way, but this feeling is temporary. Real lasting love is far more than a feeling. It is a faithful commitment that grows even when the feelings of infatuation fade away.

Feelings of infatuation can last up to two years all the while acting on your brain in a way that is not too different from drugs. [2]

Choose to love your partner. Accept your partner and avoid doing and saying things to bring your partner down. Critical comments, chronic sarcasm, and passive-aggressive behavior can destroy a relationship. Instead, show encouragement, kindness, and genuine concern for your partner. This will strengthen your bond.[3]

For example, if you're having trouble accepting your partner, try the 5:1 ratio. Offer five positive comments for each negative one. You'll soon discover how much you appreciate your partner. [4]

Be open and honest with each other. Sharing things with your partner can create emotional intimacy and make you feel closer to your partner. [5] While this might seem scary, you'll eventually go from getting to know someone to understanding and caring for the person.

A good way to ease into emotional intimacy is to spend quality time with your partner. During this quality time, ask questions to learn more about your partner. Intimate questions can strengthen the emotional bond between two people.[6]

Date your partner all over again. Think of when you were getting to know one another the first time. Remember how much you tried to impress your partner and how nervous you felt. Try to make the same effort to win your partner again. [7]

Stay in love. Remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place and choose to remain "madly in love." People who say they are "madly in love" have increased brain activity in the region identified with new love or infatuation.[8]

While it's important to remember the beginning, it is also important to recognize the present. It's still possible to keep that “new love” feeling toward your partner.

Love the whole person. Your partner may have changed since you fell in love. Regardless of what first attracted you, try to celebrate the way your partner has grown and avoid making focusing on the past. Just as you want to be loved for who you are now and today, so does your partner. [9]

Make a point of identifying and appreciating your partner’s qualities. Make your partner your standard of what you like most in a person. If your partner is tall and thin or short and curvy, let that become your ideal.

Do your part. Focus on changing your attitudes and expectations, rather than making your partner change. Your partner may not want to change the relationship or even stay in it. Don't try to control what is out of your hands. All you can do is focus on your actions and desires. [10]

You may spend some time loving the other person while your partner decides whether or not to stay in the relationship. During this time, don't force change. Let your partner make his own decision.

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Method Two of Five:

Loving a Friend

Understand friendship. Friendship is when two people respect, accept, and appreciate each other. [11] You may become friends with someone who shares similar interests or values with you. While some aspects of friendship love may seem similar to romantic love, there is one big difference. Romantic love is about melding and blending two people, but friendship is about being fully accepted as an individual.

Some close friends live thousands of miles apart and rarely speak, but when they do it is as if they were never apart.

Learn how to be a good friend. Don't take friendship for granted. Instead, work to keep your relationship strong. You can do this in several ways. Put your friend's needs ahead of your own when it counts. Be available for your friend, even if it's inconvenient for you. More importantly, be the kind of friend you'd like to have.[12]

The beauty of friendship is that you appreciate each oto set aside what you want to support your friend in making the best choices for himself?

Resolve conflicts in your friendship. If you and your friend are fighting, don't be afraid to talk about it. Put yourself in your friend's shoes to understand his viewpoint. If you aren't sure what's wrong or what the solution is, ask your friend. If it's something minor, patch things up. If not, respectfully let your friend you've given it some thought, have listened to him, and disagree. [13]

Keep your tone conversational and respectful. Truly listen to his point of view without judgment.

Protect and respect your friend. While this doesn't mean becoming his bodyguard, you should commit to caring for his emotions and supporting him. Part of this means that you'll need to protect your friend from your own selfishness. Selfishness is a part of human nature, but learn to protect and put your friend before your own needs.

For example, if you really want to go see that new movie, but you know your friend has an early appointment, don't pressure them. Instead, support your friend and reschedule for a more convenient time to see the movie.

Respect your friend. Respect your friend even when he's not around. No one enjoys being talked about or discussed behind their back. Avoid starting gossipy conversations, and be firm in redirecting or stopping such discussions if they start. Your friend should be able to trust you with his vulnerabilities.

Your friend may feel betrayed to learn that you didn't protect him or stand up for him. It may even cause the end of the friendship.

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Method Three of Five:

Loving a Difficult Relative

Choose to love your relative. Loving your family member is a lot like loving someone else; it requires commitment. Don't think that loyalty alone is enough to keep your relationship strong. It will require work, but familial love should offer a strong, safe, supportive loving place. [14]

The stronger your relationships are with people in your life, the better you will be at taking care of others. If you have a poor relationship with a family member, you may have a hard time being as empathetic or compassionate as you could be. [15]

Create clear expectations. Start by accepting the relative for who he is and make expectations that both of you can meet. As you both meet expectations, make more. You may want to start off with infrequent meetings, gradually increasing them as you both learn to love and understand each other.

Be clear in your expectations and consequences. For example, if you invite your family member to dinner once a week, then he needs to be there when he says he will. If he doesn't, follow through with a consequence. [16]

Set boundaries. Boundaries create manageable expectations for interactions and behavior. So, if a challenging family member has a way of being unreliable or sporadic in your life, create a boundary of expectation. This can help both of you work on creating a relationship. You can even negotiate the boundaries, just stick firm to the aspects that are most important to you. [17]

Know when to bend and when to stand firm. For example, if the relative often breaks expectations that you agreed on, ask yourself if you want to repair the relationship or let the relative go. You aren't responsible for anyone else's emotions or choices.

Repair your relationship. You'll need to stop your negative thoughts, change your words, and choose your actions carefully. Choose to change your thoughts and words about your relative. Find something you can appreciate and focus your thoughts on their positives. Treat your family member as though you already have the relationship you would like.

If you decide that you want to repair a damaged relationship with your relative, realize that you can't change anyone but yourself. Your relative may never change.